Help the next child

Life After Child Abuse

Contact Derrick
Berrow Wood School Home page

Were you sexually abused in your childhood? Has it left you with an irrational fear of male school staff or others? Do you often see danger where it does not exist? Do you relive your childhood in your nightmares transposing your childhood friends with your own children and their friends? Do you feel like the criminal for knowing about and having experienced childhood sexual abuse first hand? Do you know what it is to go through life without and through no fault of your own any qualifications?

With thanks to West Mercia police, the legal system and all 12 members of the jury for putting the lowlife Barry Hastings in jail.

Do you know what it is to ask for help for your autistic son after a problem in school only for this help to be refused and to then be falsely accused of abusing the lad?

Do you know what it is to have a social worker refuse to make a phone call for your son and falsely accuse you of abusing the lad telling you CAMHS who have not even met him are suggesting he should be in care?

Just think about that for a minute. This is your son or daughter who you are desperately trying to help and your only support comes from somebody (well qualified) who nobody will talk to. Then add into your nightmare memories of the paedophile above sexually abusing you (trying to stick his thing up your behind) when you were a small frightened 15 year old child in care. And they don't tell you how much it hurts when you read about these things in the newspapers either. What if you then found out nearly 1/2 the staff in this school were eventually jailed for child abuse? How about if you later learnt that other parents had made similar allegations of child abuse to Surrey County Council who did very little? Would you not expect an apology? Well I expect it will be a cold day in hell before Joanna Killian admits to the failings of Surrey County Council and writes me a letter apologising for their failing in their duty of care to me when I was a child. Thats before I start on about G***** A**** School. There great until there is a problem and you ask them to do something. They might have the newspapers in their pockets but I can't say I would recommend them! As for the social worker forced onto my family words fail me other than to say if you want a job done do it yourself! and trust nobody especially if they are smiling and things don't sound or look quiet right!

Some women would stand by their husband and be of some support, others looking for an easy life would, making it obvious strike up an affair with their boss, tell a few stories and walk out of the family with no warning and a text message. You might be surprised if they then threatened to cry rape in the divorce in an attempt to save a few quid. Well not if you knew my ex.

This is what happened to me 25 years after my childhood following issues with my autistic 11 year old son after he started at G***** A**** School in Guildford. Now I was clearly very ill by the time I did this but I'm told by others who have only read my book that it was a very wise thing to do.

Quote from a school teacher after this meeting. "It's a good job you spoke up when you did. "I was in hospital 72 hours later after suffering a nervous breakdown and a month later my wife had walked out on me and our children with no warning and a text message.

This is what happed when Daniel finally caught up with his mother after she walked out not to be seen or heard from in months. For an autistic 12 year old lad standing up to his mother and the guy she ran off with, I think he did very well.

Now you might understand why when it was put to our son that he had so many issues he found it easy to agree.

That got me a meeting with the school head. Nice enough guy but in my opinion just a salesman passing the buck. He says all the right things but the fact of the matter is nobody had contacted the prior school and they only arranged this meeting after 5 times refusing to even phone this scout leader. This after I quoted the scout leader as saying he wants contact with anybody concerned with my son before somebody makes a big mistake. This is what happens when you put a special needs child with a unique charactor in a school of 2000 and expect them to understand him. Why they refused to contact somebody who did, probably better than me or the prior school is I beleive because they did not provide their services with reasonable care and skill!

It's all change now, we never accused you of abuse, not us, we only had concerns. We have worked tirelessly with your son ever since he joined the school. Not we threw him in the deep end with very negative support, taught him he was unable to do anything and the benifits of making yourself out to be a victim.

I said to G***** A**** school they put their hands up and say , "Sorry we made a mistake" or I would go above their heads and make a lot of noise. The head then wrote to me suggesting the school had nothing to apologise for, so I, a few years later did this.

Then came the divorce, now I knew there would be a story but a false rape allegation going on for between 2 and 3 years? This recording put a spanner in that idea.

Does your childhood nightmare still affect you years later? Mine does even 30 years after the event and few people will really understand. If a child was to break his or her back age 14 you might understand why they need a lot of help as they get older. You might understand why they can't walk, drive or swim. You might understand why they don't get involved in sport let alone race motorcycles. Sexual, phyisical and emotional abuse of a child can as it did to me do similar damage only in the victim's head. You can't unexperience something. You can't undo a memory. You can't make it like it didn't happen. You can't undo your fear and distrust of people. You can't ignore the triggers to your childhood memories as you get older. You might find sex a real problem. You may as I do have an irrational fear of male school staff. You might understand why you don't drink, fearful of getting drunk and telling others about your childhood. With support you can learn to control your memories and stop them from taking over then with a bit of luck get your own back on the paedophile without breaking the law. So where do you get support from? Well for me it came from my employer Graham and his wife who found, arranged and paid for this great councellor I needed. She was an elderly lady living in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere but she 2 or 3 times a week for a few months made me a coffee and knew exactly what to say to me to allow me to face my demons and get on with life. Why not? if your arm was broken would you not go to hospital to have it fixed? Would you not take a pain killer if it hurt? It might not be your fault your arm is broken. If your head is damaged why would you not go to see a shrink to get it fixed? Why would you not take anti depressents to stop it from hurting? Hey, it might not be your fault if your head is damaged. Whilst today and as I look back it might sound stupid if it was not for the shrink,the church, my local vicar, another very suportive guy from chuch, the tablets and a very supportive employer amongst others I would have, as many others have, taken my own life. Today I thank God for my experiences so I can write about them and maybe by doing so help others. If you are a child being sexually abused by an adult my advice is to get out, stay out, phone 999 and ask for some help because being a child is about learning to be an adult and if an adult leads or allows a child to stray it can't be the childs fault can it? Ask for help and don't spend the next 30 years going mental as I did trying to deny and hide from the memory or anything that might trigger it. It can't, no matter what you might have said or done, be your fault no iff's and no but's, PERIOD! You can with a bit of help and support get over it! You only have to ask maybe childline on 0800 1111. My advice is to write everything down before you make the call: My name is (your name) I am (years old) I attend (Name of school) I live at (Your address) I am being (abused/ sexually abused) by (name of the abuser) from (address of the abuser) (he, she has been doing this to me.) Can you please help me? and if your phoning the police or childline remember these people have to jump through hoops to get where they are so they can be trusted.

Mr Gorton was the owner. Mr Morris was the school head. Mr Gray and Mr Hastings were housemasters. The messages below have been taken from the Needle Blog

Prior student from Berrow Wood

Wow just read your book and how true it was, a mirror image to my time there down to Surrey social services not taken action or listening to a problem child. 1986 number 32 till I run away

Prior student from Berrow Wood

Best news I've heard in a long long time that Hastings got 7 years, that little shit use to say I was as sly as a fox as I refused to let that pedo have any sexual satisfaction with me, hence I was made out to be a troublesome boy and never got above grade 3 allways -1 -2-3 you could never win just survive. I hold Surrey social service responsibly for the mental damage that school did to me,it was pretty obvious something was badly wrong with that school however they did nothing. Hopefully my lawsuit against them will expose there shocking failings.

Prior student from Berrow Wood


Prior student Berrow Wood

******* here. Morris actually hit me round the head with a fencing sword and Holland made me stand on desk in class and tell pupils the reason I'm there is coz nobody wants me. There was also bullying and grooming in dormitories.


Prior student from Berrow Wood

I was there for 2 long years 86 to 88 no 32 in the dorm obove the boot lockers, I would love to know who came with me to Weston-supermear in the holidays with that pedo mr Hastings when he tried to abuse us in a B and B

The ones who are still alive are under investigation again and I hope they go down for a long time, the damage they done to all of us they deserve to rot in prison for life.

It only ended for me when I ran away for the 3rd time, I kept telling the police and social service what was going on when I was caught for the 1st and 2nd time but no one listen to me and that Gorton coverd it up he hated me for that and made my life hell thats why I was determined not to go back after running away for the 3rd time.took me 4 days to get back to surrey walking in fields so the police and Gorton and his son did not catch me,when I got back to Surrey I lived in my mates attic for six months so no 1 would find me. I try not to think about them days but sometimes small things trigger it off so I know just how angry you are mate and all of you.lets just hop they do more time as they deserve nothing less.

Prior student from Berrow Wood

I was there between 1980 & 1984 and made to stand on my school desk in class with my hands on my head and told told by the teacher Mr.Holland to say to the class that quote "the reason i'm hear is because nobody loves or wants me". If you were sent to the office for unfair punishment you were held by 2 members of staff whilst Mr.Johnson (headmaster) or Mr .Morris (deputy headmaster) repeatedly beat you. Having seen this post i am now going to report abuseby other pupils as well as staff @ this school.

Prior student from Berrow Wood

Lurch...haha. funny bloke. Hastings and *** were peados I reckon. Always had kids on there rooms

Prior student Berrow Wood.

***** *******


Never experienced a teacher as bad as Ron Morris! On a few occasions got me around my throat.

Prior student from Berrow Wood

***** mate you were a decent guy, ***** **** here... yeh was a bad school but at least us lads stuck together most of the time ))) it was like a war zone! Morris was a psycho... my god he was bad.

Prior student from Berrow Wood

Does anyone have a link to a news story about the criminal trial that happened in Wolverhampton in what must have been 1992-1994? I was going to give evidence (as someone assaulted), but they pled guilty on the first day of the trial. I'm guessing (hazy memories) that it would have been the nasty Gorton son, Mr Morris and Mr Gray.

This is what happened when I confronted some shirt at Surrey County Council and all I was asking for was an apology.

What this man does not realise is that I at this time have a letter from Surrey County Council that states 'The social worker has confirmed that at no time did she agree to contact a scout leader.' A copy can be found in my book above. Sorry about the poor recording it was taken by my mobile phone and I was wearing a silk shirt.

(In 1985 there were not the checks on staff there are today and childline did not exist.) Got the lowlife Mr. Hastings eventually though and I hope he has a really good time in jail.

I like that: News you can trust

The times would not publish a link to my story,

The Surrey Advertiser would not publish a link to my story,

Seemingly because I have something bad to say about G***** A**** School so lets pretend like it did not happen and brush it all under the carpet! I DON'T THINK SO!

Kindle published my book.

Audible published my audio book.

Now I don't think I'm being malicious, not when you see the stuff some news papers and the like publish about our Royal Family. I'm simply telling a story, A true story about how I was failed by Surrey County Council in 1985 and how years later my son was failed by the interfering social workers I wanted nowhere near him and how it affected me. Its just a shame that our news service in this country is regulated by the back door.


"We think this might not be the correct school for your child" & "That's not our job, speak to the social worker, there has been an abuse allegation." & "Students in the lower sets don't get homework" I can tell you it was so bloody obvious but there was nothing I could do about it. If a school don't want to teach your child there is little you can do about it! The problem I had was that to remove Daniel from the school at the point I realised it was in his best interest would have been to admit to a false charge of child abuse. I was then assured by the head it was in his best interest to stay in the school yet when I went back to the school with the offer of outside teaching staff and funding available to aid his education nobody got back to me about it! I should have acted on my first vibe when I saw and heard his special needs teacher throw a tantrum saying "Oh shit he is only level 2 we'll loose him next year." the first time she read his school file.

It took a new head, over 8 years and no other option before I received an apology from G***** A**** School. "Has anybody contacted my son's scout leader yet?" (my 5th request) "That's not our job speak to the social worker there has been an abuse allegation." as the teacher turned and tried to walk away. Apparently that's not a direct child abuse allegation directed towards me the childs father. I can tell you this, a fortnight after the social worker told me there was nothing to worry about and she was going to close her case was me in hospital and directly led to the break up of my family. Just listen to the recording above that my son made with my ex. Think about that for a minute. What would you do if your husband had been falsely accused of abusing your child by a school teacher and social worker who point blank refused to make a phone call for the lad?

Run off with the first person who would take you? All I ever asked anybody to do was make a phone call for my autistic 11 year old child who had issues after he started the school. Everybody passed the buck to somebody else and nobody made the call! But I did have a social worker tell me another organisation CAMHS who had not even met my son or me were of the opinion he should be in care.

Quote from Nick the kiddy shrink I took my son to see, "They have got the wrong idea and run with it. I'll have a chat with my boss and take it on as a case. Daniel is playing up because he is lonely.

Its just a shame that in todays society people are so worried about being liable for anything that common sense does not come into it, only pushing the panic button at the slightest issue and then passing the buck to somebody else.