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Life After Child Abuse

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Life After Child Abuse Book

Back in the 80's (Before Childline 08001111) Pre 1986, children from broken homes, would be criminal children, autistic or for that matter just about any child who needed a bit of extra help was labelled 'Maladjusted.' Often these children were taken out of the care of their parents and put into special schools and in effect all treated like criminals who needed putting in line.

Some of these institutions were full of thugs who got a kick out of abusing children. Even the insurance companies had a get out clause excluding claims for violence inflicted on the children by staff. You know like nobody ever knew what was blindingly obvious. Some staff used it as an opportunity to sexually interfere with the children in their care.

Young Derrick Missing Jailed PaedophileMissing

Without being graphic I was one of these children who ended up in bed after lights out with the man 'Barry Desmond Newton Hastings' to the right. It was a nightmare that I really did not want to revisit when I turned 37 but then this happened with my autistic son shortly after he started seconadry school. My wife is making it so obvious she is chasing her boss at work that our 8 year old son has told me like I'm stupid and have not worked it out. Our 11 year son is saying and doing anything in his new school for attention. We have social workers forced on our family by the school sticking their nose into family affairs. I'm reliving my own childhood nightmare. I've just been falsely accused of abusing my son by a schoolteacher and to top it off the social worker has just told me CAMHS who have not even met any of us are of the opinion our son should be in care. This 2 weeks after she told me there was no problem and she would be closing her case. All the time everybody refusing to do the one thing I asked in phoning my only support, the scout movement.

By now I'm really on my own and I've totally lost the plot with the lot of them. I had a choice, do what I thought was best for my son knowing it might well send my wife running or try and hold the family together as a unit so my children did not come from a broken home. The advice I had been given by a childrens councellor I had taken our son to see was to, "Open up and tell the school everything." I nearly blurted out my wife was having an affair too but I bottled it at the last minute. My childhood was none of their business but there was no way I was going to let them take my children into care. Better they come from a broken home than potentially suffering the same as I did when I was a child!

I got my meeting with the school head who clearly did not have a clue what was going on,

My wife ran out on our children and myself shortly afterwards (with a text message not to be seen for months) and did not have a leg to stand on after I filed for divorce after getting a copy of the school file and teachers log. It turns out I was right all the time and should have trusted my vibes as she was chasing the boss and had told me very little about what was going on at school. He thought he had won the lottery, promising her anything she wanted a 60 year old man being chased by a 37 year old woman. Like the council were going to give them a free 2 bedroom house after that. As for the stories she came out with during the divorce, I knew she was good with a story but this kind of put a spanner in them. Especially after I posted the whole lot on a website and posted her solicitor, both schools and the police a link to it. You would not beleive what some women will come out with when they see an easier life and think they will be made bankrupt. I really wanted to walk away from this fight but my kids had to come first!

Just to make sure and off his own back a year later without telling anybody our eldest child supported by his aunt who had really become his mother figure by now did this. It took a year before mum would sit down and talk with him. As you can hear the old man she ran off with did most of the talking.

Then the school asked me in for a chat so I did this.

The moral of the story and about the only thing my childhood ever taught me. Be careful who you trust and who you tell your secrets to. If you can, play thick and walk away from a fight as people will give so much away if they think your thick. If you get bad vibes trust them as its your own subconscious trying to warn you about something so just covertly record everything and wait for things to become clear. One day you might have no choice but to turn on your abuser and or your cheating partner. Not only that if you have an issue with a school or social worker you will have to be able to prove you have done everything reasonable and they have not. This as they will all run with the easiest formula to fit the facts as they see them (Occam's Razor.) They will then pass the buck to somebody else. Not my job if I can find (or make) a reason to give it to somebody else! A school of 2000 and 1 SENCO responsible for 200 of them. If you were her with 15 minutes per child per week (if you work flat out) would you not want to give a problem to a social worker as soon as possible? You've done your job then and there is no need to do anything else is there? As for the social worker, a nice enough lady whose heart was in the right place but she seriously did not have a clue what she was doing. "We had the wrong phone number." I've seen my sons social care file and the fact is they did not have a phone number as they had not filed the letter I gave them. You really have to jump through some hoops to see your child's social care file.

On the bright side our kids, now adults with the help of their aunt and the church have turned into two bright young men who can think for themselves, I have retired at 51 and own the family house after clearing the mortgage. My ex. on the other hand is working and living in a tacky little council bungalow with an old man paying rent. That's Karma and I'm loving it! I wonder what stories they have told their neighbours and his family? Just listen to the way he spoke to my 12 year old son in 2008. My son at 12 years old knew exactly what he was doing. He was not confrontational, said his bit and let the guy my ex. ran off with insult him without even raising his voice.

You would not believe what grief you have to go through to get an apology from the state. If you can call it an apology.

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