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Life After Child Abuse

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Paedophile Barry Hastings jailed for 7 Years at Canterbury Crown Court on the 16th August 2019. He is no X SAS hard nut Soldier like the kids in Berrow Wood thought he was in 1985 now is he!
Just an unemployed paedophile praying on vulnerable children. How he got a job working with vulnerable children in the 80's after being convicted of indecent assult of a female in 1968 is beyond me.
Message from Derrick some 35 years later


VPS I got to read out in court

Also professionally narrated and
available on audible.co.uk, itunes and others

4 out of 5 people simply wont understand what it is like to go through life haunted by childhood memories like mine and the rest of you probably like me just want to forget. This site and my book is a gift to all the shrinks, social workers and teachers out there in the world. Every marriage, child / parent or parent / social worker, teacher relationship is only ever as strong as its weakest link. If a parent asks you to please make a phone call for their troubled son or daughter maybe you will give a thought to my story before you refuse or try and palm it off to somebody else who like you probably wont do it either. I can think of no worse crime than frightening and sexually abusing a child and I can think of little more incompentant than refusing to make a phone call for a child described as in need let alone falsely accusing the parent who is asking you to make the phone call of child abuse! We all have a past and some of us (1 in 5 according to the NSPCC) were sexually abused in our childhood! Its a good thing to have concerns for a troubled child but false child abuse allegations and refusing to make a simple phone call for the child can quiet easily destroy a fragile family. THAT WONT HELP THE CHILD WILL IT? Not every child who is troubled is being abused! Autism, aspergers, headaches, being bullied, playing dare and having been taught to be eager to please adults in authority looking for a problem. Not to mention puberty and everything that goes with that or being taught by a teacher or parent they are a failure are just a few things that might trouble a child. NOT TO MENTION WATCHING THEIR FAMILY FALL APART AFTER THEIR FATHER IS FALSELY ACCUSED OF CHILD ABUSE BY SOME IDIOT WHO HAS NOT EVEN MET THE CHILD AND IS SUGGESTING THE LAD SHOULD BE IN CARE. THIS ALL THE TIME REFUSING TO DO THE ONE THING THIS FATHER HAS ASKED IN MAKING A SIMPLE PHONE CALL TO SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLLY KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING WHEN IT CAME TO THIS CHILD!

What is or should be the most important aspect of a parent’s life? I would argue, their child or children. I understand not everybody agrees but what it the purpose of life? I would argue to have children and to teach them the best way you know how. No parent can be expected to get everything correct all the time but who or what would you turn to if you had a problem with your child and did not trust the school he or she attended? And if you are a teacher or year head looking at a child with issues who would you turn to for support? I would argue somebody qualified who knows the child, say if they are a year 7 student, the prior school, maybe the church the child attends or the scout movement the child attends. To be just a helper with the scouts you must jump through some hoops. To be a leader, you have to jump through some high hoops and really live the part. So, who better qualified to advise on the wellbeing of a troubled child? And I could not get staff at George Abbot school or the useless social worker they forced onto my family to even phone him! And to be a vicar you really do have to jump through some extremely high hoops and live the part. I did have another organisation who had not even met the lad who I wanted nowhere near him suggest he should be in care. Enough to cause a problem for any family might I suggest. “Tell them I want contact with anybody concerned with the wellbeing of your child before somebody makes a big mistake!” The best support my child received from anybody!

Now you could jump to the last two recordings found at the bottom of the page, made by my son with his mother to learn how running blinkered with a false child abuse allegation can destroy a family. Not to mention my catching my wife out in the worst lie a woman can make.
Or you could read the rest of this site, listen to all the other recordings and really feel my pain. It took over 10 years to get past it.


That got me a meeting with the school head, scout leader, social workers, shrinks, year heads. I mean the whole world was there. That might have had something to do with the recording above that I took to the prior school head asking for help. Now there was a lady who simply loved kids. Unless you had my childhood you would not understand how and why I was seriously bricking things standing up to this guy. Seriously by this time I was right on the edge and I knew it. I had also worked out my wife was running for the hills looking for an easier life but this was about the wellbeing of my son and no matter what it cost me I was not going to walk away from this fight! It cost me as I was in hospital 48 hours later suffering a nervous breakdown. My blood pressure was so high I had an argument with a doctor about her insisance I had taken something illegal as to use her words my blood pressure was so high I should not have been standing.

A week later my wife who was absolutely no support had walked out on the family with no warning and a text message not to be seen or heard from in months. I suppose that will teach me to get ill and suffer a nervous breakdown. As for Robert the father figure old guy she ran off with, he knew exactly what he was doing and is more than welcome to her! Silly cow lost everything and is now living in a council bungalow looking after a 74 year old pensioner. Whatever rocks your boat I suppose and I hope she is happy :-). As for Barry Hastings the paedophile above who destroyed my childhood and left me rather damaged and fearful of schools and school staff? I hope he learns a lesson at the hands of a child friendly hard nut educator in jail. (This whilst keeping within the law and at the very least the 10 commandments. No really I don't wish the dirty old man a life of misery in jail being beaten by child friendly hard nut educators. No really I don't as that would be wrong and would not want to be accused of encouraging the same. ) He would then come out maybe a better person and other children might not experience similar things I and others did in 'Berrow Wood School.' A school run by another lowlife called 'Ronald Morris' the head who would routinely punch a troubled child who did not follow exactly what he was told to do by a member of staff. Owned by another lowlife 'Alan Gorton' who thought it was OK to punch a troubled child asking for help. Of course they all knew! 'Berrow Wood School' described not by me but quite accurately as a 'paedophiles wet dream.' The law caught up with them eventually and 1/2 the staff were jailed. Thank the lord my mother and stepfather stood up to the shirts at Surrey County Council who could not find a problem (I would argue because they looked the other way) and despite threats refused to send me back.

Flying off the handle without making threats or or swearing can be hard work but I was not going to give up until I got an apology!

An instruction in how to make an apology without making yourself or the organisation you work for liable for anything. Not 'Sorry we did not follow up on the 3 written complaints your parents made about Berrow Wood School in 1985/6 to the point you were even interviewed when you were a child.' Not 'Sorry we did not reply to your step fathers request for a constructive reply in a few days.' Not 'Sorry you missed out on all your childhood examinations and therefore have no qualifications as a result.' Not 'Sorry you have suffered with years of mental issues owing to your fear of adult men and especially male school staff.' Not 'Sorry we despite your 6 polite requests of anybody in authority refused to make a phone call for your own troubled autistic son and falsely accused you of abusing the lad causing you to suffer a nervous breakdown in 2007. This when it was suggested by some idiot who had not even met you or your son that he may be being abused and should be in care'
It took years and countless emails, covert recordings, my writing the book above, this website and a number of letters to get this apology. If your looking for the covert recordings mentioned in my book or the webpage that led to this apology, they are available here Now I was a proper nutter and totally out of my tree with worry for my son when I did this. If you have children of your own and or childhood memories like mine you will probably understand.

Now this apology might have something to do with the complaint I sent to the Local Government & Social Care Ombudsman. Now tell me Surrey County Council and the Ombudsman did not discuss things prior to my being sent the above apology. The same language and both could quietly easily have been written by the same person. It would not be politically correct for one government department to find fault with another would it? Not a problem we'll just loose any correspondence that might show us in a bad light and if we find that you have a copy of it we will just pretend like it does not exist!

Now I don’t believe I can charge every social worker with this as some of them really do have the wellbeing of a child under their care at the top of their priorities but others I believe just like your average person will tell a pack of lies to save their own skin. I believe some of them alter their files after the fact and the whole system is bent. I believe files that might show them in a bad light just casually get misplaced or lost just so long as they can blame poor past procedures or somebody else who can't defend themselves. And some people suggested I was the nutter for covertly recording meetings! Don't trust any of them! 'The social worker has confirmed that at no time did she agree to contact a scout leader.' vs "There is clear evidence on file the social worker did attempt to make contact on the number you provided." see Its all a pack of lies that hurt my kids but there is nothing I can do about it!

Meeting with a representative from Surrey Social Services.

This is a meeting I was requested to attend at George Abbot School in Guildford. Now I really had to feel for this head (not the current head and not the head of the school at the time my children attended) Now she and the year head who was also in the meeting as far as I'm concerned did not put a foot wrong. Clearly I'm still pretty angry and have something to say. By this time they knew I was recording meetings and they knew about this website where one day there was a pontential for the meeting to be published. As for Surrey County Council and their so called apology above goes, it only came about after I parked my car outside George Abbot School with a 6 foot banner on its roof! Today I've retired (lucky me I'm only 50), got too much time on my hands, see my actions as a public service and have nothing better to do. I'm genuinely Sorry if I cause and offence but I think if it gets children who are being hurt seeking help and encourages others to provide their services with reasonable care and skill it's the right thing to do. Until somebody gets a court order banning me from promiting my site or I get informed by the police in writing that I'm breaking any laws I shall carry on promoting my site as I see fit even if some of the newspapers and Google refuse to place my adverts.(Google call it a malicious software) Nothing about brushing everything under the carpet! The Surrey ad my local newspaper wont have anything to do with it, Nothing to do with having ties and buisness from George Abbot School in Guildford. George Abbot School say it all for themselves if you listen to the meeting in the school where the head tells me "There is no excuse" when refering to the support my son and I did not receive from the school. MY SON WAS A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD WITH AN EDUCATION STATEMENT AND THEY WOULD NOT LIKE THE SOCIAL WORKERS EVEN MAKE A SIMPLE TELEPHONE CALL FOR HIM! "That's not our job somebody else will do that. 5 requests and 2 Months I waited and still nobody made the call. I did not have as a responsible job as a teacher or get paid as much as a teacher but if I provided my services like that and then falsely accused the parent of abusing his son I would expect to be sacked! Think about it, if they have enough money to advertise on Eagle radio they have no place blaming issues on teacher workload do they?

If you are a child that is under 16 and if your being sexually abused by an adult (that means if an adult is touching your genitalia your private parts under your underwear with the possible exception of a doctor, or a parent bathing you) please tell somebody because as the law stands the fact you are under 16 means it can't be your fault. IT CAN'T NO MATTER WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SAID OR DONE BE YOUR FAULT! Please don't let the memories feast in your head as they did to me asking yourself questions and panicking about anything you see or hear that is out of place for the rest of your life. Believe me if you get an audience with the right person it can really help and turn your whole thought processes around. The fact your under 16 means it cant be your fault, PERIOD!. PLEASE FEEL THOSE WORDS DONT JUST READ THEM! any doubts read this link.

If your in the UK start with this useful number 08001111 run by a bunch of people far better qualified than me!

A shrink might tell you I'm still very angry with the world and their right. People who have suffered worse and there are lots who have probably think I'm complaining about nothing. I'm sure there are a number of people who think its my fault. Now don't get me wrong I'm no saint and have done many things wrong in my life. If incorrect thoughts are wrong, that is wishing death and pain on somebody I'm up there with the worst of them and proud of it! My book, this website and going through it all again was more about my healing. Talking to a shrink was good. Just a nod and a shrug in the right place and having a chat with a total stranger who can tell you so you believe it that its not your fault can really help you open up tell others. She was a tiny retired little old lady in her 60's who just knew what to say. Then some of them at least understand why you (speaking for myself) struggle to make eye contact with people. After all I was taught for many years that if you make eye contact with others you are really looking for a fight and who in their right mind wants to pick a fight with anybody. In the real world its being rude and makes you look shifty but its a lesson that for me that is fixed in my character. Others might understand why (speaking for myself) you are sometimes unable to make sense of the world and find yourself reasoning things out loud (talking to yourself).

So who do I blame? God, my Mother, my Father, Barry Hastings, Miss Wood for just kicking all the troubled children out of her school, the state, myself, my ex. I don't know what happened in my fathers life that he thought it was OK to walk out on a 7 year old child and 13 years later when the child caught up with him call somebody elses child his number one son. I don't know what happened in the offices of the social workers that they thought it was OK to send a child with difficulties to an institution where they knew children were being abused. Who knows what might have happened in the head of a man who thinks its OK to frighten and sexually abuse a child? Do I tell myself He is sick and needs help, do I tell myself He is possessed by the devil and should be excercised? Do I call it part of growing up? Do I call it karma and wait for the reward? After the counselling and seeing Hastings jailed things effect me a lot less today. The bottom line (for me anyway) is that I take each day at a time. I mean I still have long term goals that I work towards although very few today. When I was young I hid behind the term 'Berrow Wood thug school' and that stopped any conversation about my childhood it its tracks so I never had to face my memories and deal with them. Today I just go from day to day just trying to do the right thing and call it 'Life.' What does not kill you makes you stronger. How can you truly understand pleasure if you have not experienced pain? I tell my story in the hope it might help others understand there is no shame in being a victim and needing help. I believe in God and if this site is the right thing to do God will show it to others it may help.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. amen.

My name for the purpose of this is Derrick Smith, today I'm 51 years old but when I was a child 12 years old and just learning about life I attended Berrow Wood School where I met 'Barry Desmond Newton Hastings' a paedophilic housemaster. He and the school really did some lasting damage. I believe in my own head like 100% that it was not my fault and that there is no single person to blame. I'm sorry to those who think I should forgive because whilst I have little hate in my thoughts today I don't! Personally I beleive the death penalty is wrong but I do beleive all paedophiles should have paedophile tattooed on their forehead to protect children and then after jail be let out to face the general public but would you beleive it a convicted paedophile has rights, seriously, punch a paedophile who touches one of your children and you can be done for assult. WHAT ABOUT THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD, THE MEMORIES CAN BE A LIFE SENTENCE FOR THEM BELIEVE MY I KNOW!

By this time my wife who legally I am unable to name (Ill refer to her as Laura Rebecca kllenbic from, woodedge, near a small town in Surrey. The worm who would not speak up when her husband was falsely accused of abusing their son in favour of chasing after an easier life with her elderly boss Robert.) has walked out on the family with no warning and a text message. I saw it coming a long time beforehand but kind of hoped for the benefit of our children she would think better of it. Its easy to kick a man when he is down but I was not expecting her to attempt to cry rape in the divorce. All she did was take my childhood nightmare and turn it around making herself the victimand me the monster. (that's the second nervous breakdown my son makes reference to in the recording below.) Our son started the school in September, October I asked his school to contact the lads scout leader for advice. November there was a false child abuse allegation being directed towards me and in the following January I was in hospital after a social worker told me CAMHS were without even meeting the lad of the opinion he should be in care. The shrink I took my son to see simply said "They have got the wrong idea and run with it." The lad might well have been autistic and by that I mean he did not understand the possible gravity of his exaggerations but he is otherwise as bright as a button.

I kept this well off the internet until my children were well into adulthood but as mum as good as abandoned them 3 months after the divorce Just like my father did to me when I was a child and with Daniel's (not his real name) permission now aged 20+ I have decided to include it. Daniel (age 12 in this recording) knew I covertly recorded meetings here and there so he unknown to me until a few days later tried it and I think he did very well.

Maybe thats why the school got the wrong idea, falsely accused me of child abuse, ran with it, did not even contact the prior school and refused to contact my sons scout leader? Maybe thats why the year head gave me a hug and told me "It's a good job you spoke up when you did" If they, after they led him on believed just 1/2 of the nonsence he was coming out with, they must have thought I was a right bastard. 10/1 they altered his school file after I spoke up. See the entries taken from the pastoral log found in my book.

Just listen to the way Lauras new husband, I'll call him Robert speaks to my son after he challenges them for getting married in gretner green a week post divorce without even telling the children. I am not allowed to name him let alone thump him. All I can ever do is change the names and locations and tell my story in the hope it might help somebody else.

Now in the real world when is there not a story in a divorce? and make no mistake a solicitor is in business to make money and they are not your friend! Hey boys we have a muppet and a few quid here, lets see what we can get her to say about her husband! 10/1 I can get her to cry rape before the weeks out and charge her £800 to do it.

She was not expecting the recording below to have been made let alone be published on a website before I sent a link to just about everybody! Looking back I could say I feel sorry for my ex. but she walked out on our family with no warning and a text message after things got hard and I twigged the affair and Robert really is welcome to her.

Its a shame really as if she was not such a worm she would have defended me against a false child abuse allegation made by a school and social worker who just tried to pass the buck to somebody else and point blank refused to make a phone call for our 11 year old autisic son. I know I've got a dry sense of humour but it's good to know with many more years experence than me Robert is no better in bed!

I don't know what they are like today as the school has a different head but you might understand George Abbot School and Surrey County are NOT on my christmas card list.

I have spent many months and thousands of pounds writing my book and getting everything off the ground because I believe its the right thing to do in an attempt to help others.
If you agree I'm doing the right thing and would like to support me Click here.

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