4 out of 5 people simply wont understand what it is like to go through life haunted by childhood memories like mine and the rest of you probably like me just want to forget. This site and my book is a gift to all the shrinks, social workers and teachers out there in the world. Every marriage, child / parent or parent / social worker, teacher relationship is only ever as strong as its weakest link. If a parent asks you to please make a phone call for their troubled son or daughter maybe you will give a thought to my story before you refuse or try and palm it off to somebody else who like you probably wont do it either. I can think of no worse crime than frightening and sexually abusing a child and I can think of little more incompentant than refusing to make a phone call for a child described as in need let alone falsely accusing the parent who is asking you to make the phone call of child abuse! We all have a past and some of us (1 in 5 according to the NSPCC) were sexually abused in our childhood! Its a good thing to have concerns for a troubled child but false child abuse allegations and refusing to make a simple phone call for the child can quiet easily destroy a fragile family. THAT WONT HELP THE CHILD WILL IT? Not every child who is troubled is being abused! Autism, aspergers, headaches, being bullied, playing dare and having been taught to be eager to please adults in authority looking for a problem. Not to mention puberty and everything that goes with that or being taught by a teacher or parent they are a failure are just a few things that might trouble a child. NOT TO MENTION WATCHING THEIR FAMILY FALL APART AFTER THEIR FATHER IS FALSELY ACCUSED OF CHILD ABUSE BY SOME IDIOT WHO HAS NOT EVEN MET THE CHILD AND IS SUGGESTING THE LAD SHOULD BE IN CARE. THIS ALL THE TIME REFUSING TO DO THE ONE THING THIS FATHER HAS ASKED IN MAKING A SIMPLE PHONE CALL TO SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLLY KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING WHEN IT CAME TO THIS CHILD!
THANK THE LORD FOR THE SCOUT MOVEMENT!
A month later my wife had walked out on the family with no warning and a text message not to be seen or heard from in months. I suppose that will teach me to get ill and suffer a nervous breakdown. As for Robert the father figure old guy she ran off with, he knew exactly what he was doing and is more than welcome to her! Silly cow lost everything and is now living in a council bungalow looking after a 74 year old pensioner. Whatever rocks your boat I suppose and I hope she is happy :-). As for Barry Hastings the paedophile above who destroyed my childhood and left me rather damaged and fearful of schools and school staff? I hope he learns a lesson at the hands of a child friendly hard nut educator in jail (this whilst keeping within the law and at the very least the 10 commandments.) He would then come out maybe a better person and not a child abusing lowlife.
This is an instruction in how to make an apology without making yourself or the organisation you work for liable for anything. Not 'Sorry we did not follow up on the 3 written complaints your parents made about Berrow Wood School in 1985/6 to the point you were even interviewed when you were a child.' Not 'Sorry we did not reply to your step fathers request for a constructive reply in a few days.' Not 'Sorry you missed out on all your childhood examinations and therefore have no qualifications as a result.' Not 'Sorry you have suffered with years of mental issues owing to your fear of adult men and especially male school staff.' Not 'Sorry we despite your 6 requests of anybody in authority refused to make a phone call for your own troubled autistic son and falsely accused you of abusing the lad causing you to suffer a nervous breakdown in 2007. This when it was suggested by some idiot who had not even met you or your son that he should be in care'
It took years and countless emails, covert recordings, my writing the book above, this website and a number of letters to get this apology. If your looking for the covert recordings mentioned in my book or the webpage that led to this apology, they are available here Now I was a proper nutter and out of my tree with worry for my son when I did this. If you have children of your own and or childhood memories like mine you will probably understand.
Now this apology might have something to do with the complaint I sent to the Local Government & Social Care Ombudsman. Now tell me Surrey County Council and the Ombudsman did not discuss things prior to my being sent the above apology. The same language and both could quietly easily have been written by the same person. It would not be politically correct for one government department to find fault with another would it? Not a problem we'll just loose any correspondence that might show us in a bad light!
This is a meeting I was requested to attend at George Abbot School in Guildford. Now I really had to feel for this head (not the current head not the head of the school at the time my children attended) Now she and the year head who was also in the meeting as far as I'm concerned did not put a foot wrong. Clearly I'm still pretty angry and have something to say. By this time they knew I was recording meetings and they knew about this website where one day there was a pontential for the meeting to be published. As for Surrey County Council and their so called apology above goes, it only came about after I parked my car outside George Abbot School with a 6 foot banner on its roof! Today I've retired (lucky me I'm only 50), got too much time on my hands, see my actions as a public service and have got nothing better to do. I'm genuinely Sorry if I cause and offence but I think if it gets children who are being hurt seeking help it's the right thing to do. Until somebody gets a court order banning me from promiting my site or I get informed by the police in writing that I'm breaking any laws I shall carry on promoting my site as I see fit even if some of the newspapers refuse to place my adverts.
If you are a child that is under 17 and if your being sexually abused by an adult (that means if an adult is touching your genitalia with the possible exception of a doctor or a parent bathing you) please tell somebody because as the law stands the fact you are under 17 means it can't be your fault. IT CAN'T NO MATTER WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SAID OR DONE BE YOUR FAULT! Please don't let the memories feast in your head as they did to me asking yourself questions and panicking about anything you see or hear that is out of place for the rest of your life. Believe me if you get an audience with the right person it can really help and turn your whole thought processes around. The fact your under 17 means it cant be your fault, PERIOD!. PLEASE FEEL THOES WORDS DONT JUST READ THEM!
Start with this useful number 08001111 run by a bunch of people far better qualified than me!
I have spent many months and thousands of pounds writing my book and getting everything off the ground because I believe its the right thing to do. If you agree I'm doing the right thing and would like to support me (or just fund the next child who needs help) Click here
A shrink might tell you I'm still very angry with the world and they may well be right. People who have suffered worse and there are lots who have probably think I'm complaining about nothing. I'm sure there are a number of people who think its my fault. Now don't get me wrong I'm no saint and have done many things wrong in my life. If incorrect thoughts are wrong, that is wishing death and pain on somebody I'm up there with the worst of them and proud of it! My book, this website and going through it all again was more about my healing. Talking to a shrink was good. Just a nod and a shrug in the right place and having a chat with a total stranger who can tell you so you believe it that its not your fault can really help you open up tell others. Then some of them at least understand why you (speaking for myself) struggle to make eye contact with people. After all I was taught for many years that if you make eye contact with others you are really looking for a fight. In the real world its being rude and makes you look shifty but its a lesson that for me that is fixed in my character. Others might understand why (speaking for myself) you talk to yourself, that is reason things out loud.
So who do I blame? God, my Mother, my Father, Barry Hastings, Miss Wood for just kicking all the troubled children out of her school, the state, myself, my ex. I don't know what happened in my fathers life that he thought it was OK to walk out on a 7 year old child and 13 years later when the child caught up with him call somebody elses child his number one son. I don't know what happened in the offices of the social workers that they thought it was OK to send a child with difficulties to an institution where they knew children were being abused. Who knows what might have happened to a man who thinks its OK to frighten and sexually abuse a child? Do I tell myself He is sick and needs help, do I tell myself He is possessed by the devil and should be excercised? Do I csall it part of growing up? Do I call it karma and wait for the reward? After the counselling and seeing Hastings jailed things effect me a lot less today. The bottom line (for me anyway) is that I take each day at a time. I mean I still have long term goals that I work towards although very few today. When I was young I hid behind 'Berrow Wood' Thug school and that stopped any conversation about my childhood it its tracks so I did not have to remember. Today I just go from day to day trying to do the right thing and call it 'Life.' What does not kill you makes you stronger. How can you truly understand pleasure if you have not experienced pain? Now I tell my story in the hope it can help somebody else understand there is no shame in being a victim and needing help. I believe in God and if this site is the right thing to do God will show it to others it may help.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. amen.
My name is Derrick Smith, today I'm 50 years old but when I was a child 12 years old just learning about life I attended Berrow Wood School and met Barry Desmond Newton Hastings a paedophile housemaster. He and the school really did some lasting damage. I believe in my own head like 100% that it was not my fault and that there is no single person to blame. Well I'm sorry to thoes who think I should forgive because whilst I have little hate in my touughts today I don't.